As I sat in my small, cluttered apartment, surrounded by the remnants of a life that once was, I couldn’t help but think of her. The woman who had once been my guiding light, my rock, my everything. My mom, or should I say, my [yrfavemommy]. The woman who had given me life, and in doing so, had given me the greatest gift of all: unconditional love.

But that love came at a steep price. A price that I was only beginning to understand now, as I sat here, surrounded by the tears and the shattered remains of my family. My mom, the woman who had once been so full of life and love, had been slowly consumed by her own demons. The stress of parenting, the pressure of providing for a family, the weight of the world bearing down on her shoulders. It was a weight that she had tried to carry alone, and in doing so, had nearly destroyed me in the process.

I remember the nights, huddled in the corner of my room, listening to the sound of my parents fighting. The sound of my mom’s tears, the sound of my dad’s anger. I remember the feeling of being alone, of being scared, of not knowing how to make it better. But most of all, I remember the feeling of being loved, of being cherished, of being cared for.

As I looked back on those days, I realized that my mom had been doing the best she could, with what she had. She had been trying to provide for me, to give me a better life, to make me happy. But in doing so, she had nearly lost herself. And in losing herself, she had nearly destroyed me.

The question is, what drives a mom to be so consumed by her own demons? What drives a woman to put the needs of her family above her own? Is it love? Is it obligation? Is it a deep-seated fear of being alone? Whatever the reason, the result is the same. A family torn apart, a mother disappeared, and a child left to pick up the pieces.

As I sit here now, trying to make sense of it all, I realize that the answer lies not in the complexity of my mother’s behavior, but in the simplicity of her love. My [yrfavemommy] may have been flawed, but her love was real. And in the end, that’s all that truly matters.